On a very long drive today. Thinking about everything. Somehow, my thinking wound up reminding me of how much physical damage my body has been through- everything from playing dumb games as a kid to being assaulted, both as a child and an adult.
I remember him choking me, I can see his ugly face looking down at me. I see him laughing but I can’t hear him right away. It’s like my hearing temporarily went away. It would slowly return…it sounded like a train coming at you in a tunnel…the noise would slowly grow louder and louder until it was defeaning and then normal sound would return. Then I could hear the TV in the background and his laugh. He’d say, “You should see yourself!! Haha!” and then he’d mimick me, shaking and convulsing and rolling his eyes back. I realized he was mimicking me having a seizure. Is that what this was doing to me? Making me seize??
And then he’d start choking me again and soon, I’d begin to feel tingly and numb. I wouldn’t remember anything until I heard the train again.
Maybe three times? Maybe four. I can’t clearly remember how many times I went out and came back.
Afterward, I remember having a sore throat for days and finding a small area of burst blood vessels in one of my eyes. There were also red dots on the skin around both of my eyes. I
Think I should stop writing about this now