I think I hide it really well. But this weekend, I had three different people (all of whom I just met in the last few days and have no clue how I normally am) give me a sharp reality check.
One person told me “wow, you’re really checked out…you’re like, if one more person comes up to me…!” I was shocked. At that particular time, I was trying so hard to be social and talk to every single person that I could. I’d been talking to people for HOURS and was actually proud of myself for trying so hard. And then this dude says that to me. It made me wonder how I was being perceived from the outside. Here I was, thinking I was being super friendly and chatting and smiling even through the hurt…but this guy, sitting across the room, called me out.
Another person the next day told me I “looked wrecked”…he came upon a conversation I was having with someone else who started talking about way back when he wanted to commit suicide. I wondered why he brought that up- did he see through me? He went on talking about that time in his life and I listened very carefully. That’s when the third guy walked up and said I looked wrecked (after the other guy walked away). I laughed it off and changed the topic.
There are some truly amazing people in this world. Others…not so much! 😉 I am so VERY GRATEFUL for all of the amazing people who have been a part of and have touched my life over the years. I sit in awe and wonder when I think about those special people.
Now, I’m waiting to fly back home. And for a few days, I’ve been thinking of how I need to cut ties with people…just sever things so it’s not so difficult for either of us. So that’s next…
I am tainted and happiness and peace of mind were never meant for me
All these pieces and promises…
Could have been
Whoa. Like I had to change the title of this entire post- or write a whole new one.
Whoa. My mind is still blown…still shaking my head and digesting whatever just happened. This is the second time that my little plans have been interrupted. The first time I knew it was God…I mean, this time I know it is too- it has to be! There’s no other explanation. None.
To make a long story short- it looks like I might be staying with some friends for a few days. The fact that they even thought of it- even asked…it just blows my mind with what that does to my world. I didn’t even get home. Do you understand what that means? I didn’t even get home- not one minute alone to think about …y’know.
I’m stunned. I don’t have anything else to say. I’m simply stunned. Holy God, this is just crazy. o.O